The surgery

The surgery supposed to happen on Friday last week, but it did not.
Father has other health issues as well. Beside his heart, he has kidney insufficiency and lungs fibrosis.
The level of potassium is to high so it will be dangerous for him to have the surgery before the level goes down.
Monday was the same, still too high..
Tuesday, I made it back in the hospital after the morning visit after spending some hours outisde because I was escorted out earlier that morning(this is the doctors visiting their assigned patients) and Magda arrived as well.
I am behaving as if I am the happiest camper in the Universe, I make my father smile.
He thinks that I am beautiful and I am looking way younger than I am.
The doctor is coming by saying that they do not know yet if father is going to have the surgery today. We are all tired and we cannot take that anymore. Magda goes after each of the doctors that suppose to be involved in my father's surgery. She talks with each of them; practically she is begging them to go ahead with the procedure.
They did some other tests, for which of course we have to find the right person and take care of, and then they announce that yes it will happen that day.
We are all ok with that, we are preparing father, I am making a fool of myself by telling all kind of stories, time is passing and no-one is coming to take my father for the surgery.
It is 1 pm and the anaesthetist is coming. Magda and I we are going outside the room on the hall to talk with her. She does not feel comfortable to go ahead with my father today..Magda goes crazy but she contains herself, however she is pushing the issue. I am so tired as I did not sleep since Saturday, I just listen for a while.
At the end I ask the doctor: " What would you have done if our father was your father?" She stops from the argument and she looks at me as if I dropped right there directly from the moon. She is answering: "is not my problem, he is not my father". I continue "but what if he was".
My mom heard us having this heated conversation and she joined us in the hall. She is asking the doctor if she means that we have to take him home and wait for him to die.
The doctor looked at us and said" Ok, fine, but this is on you, if something happens is on you only.."
We went back in father's room and we are explaining to him, carefully that there are some risks; I told him that he needs to take this decision whatever will that be. He said: "let's do it, let's end this one way or another.."
They prepared him and they took him away.
We are going outside the hospital for few minutes, we have to take all his things from the room and put it in the car for now as his bed was already occupied by another patient even before my father was taken away..
We signed that we agreed with the risks involving the surgery so we assumed his death..
Mom burst in tears asking us and herself if we made the good decision. I looked at her and I answered: "Mom, You did not take any decision, nor did we..father choose and now is only God's call.."
Mom was torturing herself saying that maybe she should have looked for signs, maybe she should have done something different..."There is nothing that you could have done mom, this is the right thing to do.."
Magda looked at me with icy eyes: "Is it? How do you know??"..
Magda is a mess but she is holding it together, she will not shed a tier..as if someone will judge her or something.. She did not sleep either and she is away from her son for more than a week now.
Since all this started Magda was the one finding a network and finding all these doctors, professors, etc.
She cannot either let him die.
I look at her, and suddenly I see myself in her, another side of me, or maybe is my father's reflection. I don't know anymore..
I asked them to go pray; there is a church in the hospital's yard. Father was telling me the other day, that the sick people do not have to worry about anything, they go from the hospital directly in the church and then in the ground. "haha, I said, very funny.." but it wasn't me laughing..
After a while we went back to wait for news. My sister Mirela arrives along with Magda's husband.
We were waiting quietly. The doctors are coming out one by one; no one is saying a word. I feel I am going to die. I feel that my sisters and my mom are going to die too.
Finally one that talks comes out..The tumour was removed, brain was removed around it and it was a "bad" tumour. Father was still alive. They said that we needed to wait the first two nights because they are critical..
They brought my father from surgery, we are looking at him, he looked like he was dead, IV's everywhere and a big bandage around his head.
That was all I wanted to hear: he was alive, at least for now.