The before surgery

I got back to the hospital next day: Sunday.
I took the night shifts with my mom and I let Magda to take the day shifts with my mom.
Magda will cook during the day and bring the food to the hospital. Oh yes: I forgot to talk about this..The food. The hospital's food was regular food with no concern for dietary needs of the patients; hence we had to take care of that too.
Sunday night was not good; my father's state is getting worse by the hour.
He was in pain and he could not take it anymore. The tumour was pressing agains his brain making him sicker by the hour; the hiccups were given by the tumour.
My first night I spent it either in the room or in the hall, standing. There is no chair so I couldn't sit. I paid the nurse and add softly and very shy "please Miss, take care of my father". There is a "bribe etiquette" I found out. Mom was terrified that I may give the "incorrect" amount of money given that the currency changed since I left nine years ago. She was afraid that I may offend the person giving to little amount of bribe. and of course we couldn't have that happen. I asked her if I have to go into their personal space and put the money in their pocket, she said "yes, invade their personal space, the hell with it, make sure you are telling them for which patient your are giving money..and make sure you are polite. They are expecting that of you."
I then wanted to go and ask the nurse to not smoke in the middle of the night by my father's door. My mom stopped me saying that we are the tolerated there and I should start to behave myself..
I went several times after the nurse who was downstairs in a different room than she supposed to be during night. I noticed then, when I knocked at the door and get in the "Nurse" room that they are all in there, and they also have a bed in which they were resting.
I will be humble like my mom told to be, eyes down and asking softly and politely for her to come and give my father a needle for his pain. I will do same (go after her) when he needed his treatment's or when his IV's drugs ended and needed to be changed, or when he needed to have the IV removed because he wanted to go to the washroom.
That was me helping. She will say: "yes just a minute", and after a while she will come.
By then dad will just have to men-up and suffer.
She was a nice nurse.
Monday night was a different story. I bothered the nurse four times now, I went after her in the middle of the night, and because of that she had me escorted outside the hospital, in the rain, by the hospital's guard. I did pay her before all that, giving her the right amount of money, I ignored she was smoking, and I was humble. But I dared to woke her up the fourth time and that was it. She yelled at me saying that she will report me to the doctor, she gave however to my father the shot, and then she had me escorted out. My mom was again alone with him and trying by herself to get him to the washroom. She looked at me as if I was screwing up, and I felt horrible.
Once outside in the rain without an umbrella, surrounded by the stray dogs, I started crying and cursing.
I was not a Lady anymore I was just a frustrated bitch that wanted to beat the shit out of that "Miss" nurse..
And the rain was coming down through my skin, getting mixed with my tears and my howling. No one was there to hear me or to care for that matter.
"God! where are you?", I asked and I continued crying at 4 am in the morning.